A Series of Unfortunate Events
by obsidians
Summary: When a father and son compete for the same woman, there are ways of making compromises. This was co-written by sakurablossomhime


Tifa was thrilled when Rufus Shinra had asked her to the cater a formal barbeque for a General, but was less than pleased to find it was for the reinstated General Sephiroth and she would have to plan it with him, but the budget was huge, so she couldn't turn it down and grudgingly invited General Asshat (her name for him) to come to her bar and discuss the details with her.

He had arrived promptly on time and been unfailing polite as she explained what she had in mind as he drank a glass of red wine.

"I really don't know why I have to approve these plans. I honestly don't care what occurs" he commented, taking a sip of his wine.

Tifa so caught up in ways to poison just him and only him while moving to and fro, accidently bumped into him harshly and the majority of his wine spilled down the front of his coat and onto his bare chest.

"I'm sorry" Tifa said looking stricken.

"No harm done" Sephiroth said, wiping up the mess from his person with napkins.

"Here, come up to my place and we'll get you properly cleaned up" she stated making her way up from the table and towards her apartment above.

"I am not wearing much beneath my jacket" he said as he fell in step behind her, oddly not complaining and moving in step behind her.

"I've had males as my friends for most of my life, I'm sure I can handle the sight of your bare chest" she said. "Leather doesn't stain but can get really smelly. You can just wash off the wine and then put it on the balcony to dry. On a hot day like today, it will be dry in no time" she said, she didn't like him but knew that wine got pungent in heat.

"Very well" he obliged the small woman and traversed the stairs with a small smile on his lips.

"I have Cid and Vincent coming to give me a ride to an event for tonight. Let me just tell my waitress to tell them to come up and get me when they arrive" she said and did so, then invited Sephiroth to continue to follow her into her abode.

Tifa found him cleaning supplies for his jacket and he did so in her kitchen.

Cid and Vincent arrived and were given instructions by the waitress as she came outside to greet them. "I'll go get her" Vincent offered and let himself in and ascended the stairs.

Sephiroth returned, his chest bare except for his harness.

"I placed my trench on your balcony as instructed. What are you doing?" he asked Tifa with both brows furrowed in open confusion.

She was balanced precariously on a pile of books on one leg and was attempting to retrieve a book from the top shelf of her bookshelf.

"Getting my grandmother's secret book of marinades for your barbeque, these will knock your socks off" she explained over her shoulder, smiling genuinely.

"That looks treacherous. Do be careful. In fact, I'm more than certain I can reach it" he began. Just as the series of unfortunate events occurred as the pile of books flew over and Tifa just managed to launch herself off of them and was attempting a flip in the air, to land on her feet, while Sephiroth gallantly attempted to catch her at the same time.

So she landed awkwardly in his arms and the way he shifted her, caused her top to bunch and the thin material to tear from her. Tifa froze when she realized she was topless and Sephiroth frowned and looked down, wondering at the feeling of something _fleshy_ against his own chest and froze when he realized what he was looking at and before either person could further react, the door opened and they both looked up.

Vincent didn't even bat an eye as he processed in a nanosecond that a bare chested Tifa was held bridal-style in the arms of an equally bare chested Sephiroth, as they both looked back at him. Vincent, being older than his physical body, merely deduced that he had seen stranger bed partners and who a person took to their bed, was their business. What did irk him was his own petty jealousy about Tifa being with Sephiroth that way. He gathered with a small sigh, that the apple didn't fall that far from the tree when it came to taste in women, he'd just never felt the need to riddle that particular apple with bullets because it dared try for the same woman as himself. Vincent turned and left without a single comment and walked back down the stairs and walked out the door.

"So where is Tifa?" Cid asked chewing on his cigarette in his parted lips as Vincent got into the car.

"She won't be needing a ride after all" Vincent stated rather curtly and he had the most peculiar look on his face. He looked pissed.

"Shit, she could have told us" he complained, steadily staring at the enigmatic dark haired male all but sulking like a child. His arms were even crossed across his chest.

Tifa scrambled out of Sephiroth's arms.

"Vincent come back, it's not what you think" she yelled after him and went to run downstairs, forgetting her undress in trying to catch her comrade, her breast jiggling as she made to really run after the man.

"Tifa, a word..." Sephiroth's use of her name sans the title "Miss" or "Ms., combined with his smooth baritone voice, halted her and she turned to where he was trying not to stare at her exposure and rubbing the bridge of his nose, she was perplexed by his behavior and the fact he… he was blushing.

"Yes" she said with her whole attention on his. . . voice and muscular chest as it strained and rippled under his unnaturally pale flesh, all rock solid. With a firm clearing of Sephiroth's throat, she shook loose of Sephiroth's body's bewitching ways on her and looked at him genuinely perplexed, yet still oblivious.

"You may want to put something on" he said gesturing loosely with his outstretched right ungloved hand and letting it fall away and she finally and comically looked down all at once, taking in her own nudity and screamed and crossed her arms over her chest in rapid succession.

Sephiroth, though highly amused, felt sorry for her since in her ogling him, she'd neglected herself completely as well.

"I'm assuming you keep your clothes in here. Which drawer is for shirts?" he asked her with his back to her as he approached her dresser, silvery hair falling heavily against his equally nude and equally powerfully broad back.

Tifa's arms started to relax against her better judgement again as she was paying too close of attention to him again. She was mad because where was her Angel's ally when clearly all that had showed up, was her devil's advocate. (Think the angel on one shoulder and devil on the other)

"The second one down" she answered and he opened the drawer and handed her the first one he touched.

Their hands touched as they exchanged the garment. It felt like electricity.

"Are you decent?" he asked her as she wrestled into the shirt in record time. She looked up and he seemed to be trembling.

"Are you okay?" she asked him and then he turned around and she realized that he was laughing.

"What's so funny?" she demanded getting genuinely peevish.

"Never in my life have I ever been perceived of being caught in flagrante delicto during a conquest with my supposed lover. Life around yourself is certainly never boring" he said.

"What are people going to think?" she said with a flaming face.

"Just tell them the truth. I think this is the book you desired" he said taking it down for her.

"Thank you" she said still blushing.

"Oh well, I did learn something today" he said.

"And that would be?" she asked him.

"Soldiers are given to gawking at attractive young women and there has been much gossip about yourself, mainly concerning whether your natural bounty is real or whether you have had them surgically enhanced. Well it appears that I am one of the few that can answer that they are indeed real, I certainly felt no silicone. They are wondrous by the way" he replied and then slung his jacket about himself in a practiced way to don it and departed, leaving a red faced Tifa behind him.

Unbeknownst to them both, a familiar lone gargoyle floated easily a bit of distance away with help from his inner demon Chaos, pleased that he may still have a chance to yet confess his adoration of Tifa. All the while he juvenilely popped three pretty significantly sized stones against Sephiroth's head as he left out of his sight, punishing what wrong he perceived was Sephiroth's theft of his goods. While Sephiroth had been idle as he walked to his vehicle and he frowned as they rained on his head. They weren't weighty enough to cause damage, merely irritate him and he looked up to find where they might have originated from. Having reached another conclusion, he yelled in irritation, "You children had better stop pelting me with rocks this instant."

Vince was still in the vicinity and close enough to hear his haughty offspring make this declaration, he knew that it was a tad foolish to take revenge in such a childish way, but it made him a bit better as he chuckled at this and decided it was game on.

Unfortunate circumstance indeed for all three people involved in our little three way...

Tifa was surprised when Sephiroth showed up at her bar the next evening and blushed at remembrance of the show she had given him and her own attraction to him. She didn't like the him personally, but he did have a body that wouldn't quit. Although he looked and dressed no differently than usual, it was as if he wore an air of nervousness that was unexpected when it came to him.

"Tifa, I was wondering if you would like accompany me to the barbeque that they are hosting in my honor? Seeing we both have to be there anyway" he said to her, not one to mince words.

"I'm going to be catering it as in I shall be working" she spelled out to him, confused by his offer.

"Oh, I see. Sorry, it was suggested by someone that you might enjoy my company. I was told I was to bring a date and I really don't know any females well enough to ask them. I won't bother you again" he said and actually sounded rather crestfallen at her rejection.

"Well I suppose I could break away for a little while" she cautiously said.

"You'll go with me?" he asked her.

"Sure, why not" she said, giving him a genuine smile.

"Sound excellent, when should I arrive?" a smooth voice butted in.

"Vincent, I didn't know you would be invited?" Tifa said in confusion.

"I'm an honorary member of WRO, of course I'm invited. However I need to know what time to be there if I'm going to be Tifa's chaperone" he said, glaring red daggers at Sephiroth.

"Chaperone? The lady in question is in her twenties, shall be surrounded by our entire military, including myself and shall be acting as escort to a General. She couldn't be safer anywhere else" Sephiroth incredulously said to him.

"It is not our military that I do not trust, it is you. How do I know you won't try and kill her again?" Vincent firmly said.

"Trust me, _killing_ her is the furthest thing from my mind" Sephiroth said and crossed his arms over his chest.

"She's an unmarried woman and should have a chaperone to protect her virtue" Vincent insisted and Tifa could only look from one to the other at their absurd conversation. As if she needed any male to protect herself!

"Her virtue? What sort of a man do suspect me to be...?" Sephiroth demanded.

"The worst sort" Vincent countered.

"Okay that's enough. You can both escort me" Tifa firmly said.

"I must protest"Sephiroth began.

"I'm not..." Vincent added.

"Or both of you can go as each other's dates" Tifa insisted, folding her arms under her prominent bosom, not realizing this elevated them and causing both males to glance at them, seeing them naked again in their minds.

"Two straight males going together?" Sephiroth questioned her.

"You're almost pretty enough to be a girl" Vincent countered.

"I am very male. Shall I prove it to you?" Sephiroth challenged him.

"Show that tiny thing to me and I shall just tell you: what a nice clit you have, Miss" Vincent said.

"At least I don't mince about looking like a homeless person in raggedy clothes. Where is your pride in appearance, Vincent Valentine?" Sephiroth asked him.

"You look like you should be wielding a whip and charging people by the hour to spank their bottoms." Vincent growled back.

"Is that a request? We both wear leather" Sephiroth growled back.

"Enough" Tifa shouted. "What a lucky girl to have such handsome escorts for the same evening" she cooed at them while they glared back at each other.

The day of, Tifa chose to wear a black low-backed halter dress with a built in bra that was tasteful enough to get away with wearing to work the event and to be the escort of the Beautiful Pain in the Butt that it was being hosted for. She looked in the mirror, admiring how the simple black sheath had a tasteful split in one side to showcase the long line of one of her legs. Then she added to the outfit, a matching clutch, a black shawl in case she got cold, black high heels and simple rhinestone chandelier earrings. She looked good, very sophisticated in fact. She added a hint of black eyeliner and mascara to highlight her eyes and added kiss proof red lipstick just to be on the safe side, not that she expected to kiss anyone.

She was just putting her lipstick, some money and her keys into her clutch when the limousine pulled smoothly up into her driveway, exactly on time and she went to thank her wait staff for seeing to the catering. She was about to enter the limousine, when both doors flew open both Sephiroth and Vincent went to hold the door open for her, tussling for the door like school children chasing after the same ball. Her lips quirked in amusement to see the Vincent wore his tan and red WRO uniform, complete with the red cap. Sephiroth's was similar, but more elaborate version of this due to his rank. Getting sick of the two men trying to be the one to escort her into the limo. She finally walked around to the other door and let herself in.

"You two can stop. I'm in" she said leaning out the window in amusement. "Now if you both would get in as well, we can get going" she suggested and watched with her lips twitching with mirth as they both tried to scramble in at the same time, not want the other male to hold the door for them.

"Champagne?" They both asked her at exactly the same moment and then had another glaring contest.

"Okay, this is ridiculous. Now we are all going to play nice tonight. If I'm finished a drink, you will take turns getting another one for me and ask me first, I'm not double fisting or getting trashed this evening, I am working, so shall be drinking sparingly as I don't want to embarrass my catering firm or myself. No being demanding of my company and if I run my fingers through my hair, that means I'm talking to the most boring person in the room and need rescuing. Just so everyone understands, as it is Sephiroth's night, he is my first official escort" she said looking from one to the other.

"I can live with that" Vincent said, already attempting to remove the red cap he loathed so much, he wore his hair in a long ponytail and didn't seem to like the uniform anymore then Sephiroth seemed to, at how he kept on tugging at the tight collar, causing his metals on his chest to jingle.

"Would you stop fidgeting. It sounds like we dog in here with us. More like a cat in your case, I guess" Vincent said with a devil may care smile.

"Oh, you're taking digs at personal appearances? Very mature, Vincent Valentine. Considering you normally look like something that should have emerged from a coffin, and did, I don't see how you're one to talk" Sephiroth shot back.

"My hair is a normal colour, you look like you should have a Christmas tree shoved up your backside" Vincent said.

"I don't go in for those shenanigans, but you perhaps might enjoy such activates..." Sephiroth said.

"Gentlemen, can we converse beyond the mental age of six?" Tifa interrupted them and they both just fumed and focused their attention on her.

"I must say you look lovely this evening" Sephiroth said to her and she smiled brightly back at him at the compliment.

"Quit gawking at her" Vincent ordered him.

"I only complimented her" Sephiroth snarled at him.

"You were looking at her through dirty eyes" Vincent said.

"How? These are the only eyes that I possess and it wasn't like I was leering at her" Sephiroth snapped.

"You were practically undressing her with your eyes" Vincent insisted. "I apologize for my colleague, he doesn't know how to behave in the presence of a lady. You must feel so soiled from the heat of his filthy gawking eyes on your person" Vincent smoothly apologized to Tifa.

"He didn't seem to be..." She said in confusion.

"Filthy? I was merely looking upon her in admiration as I would a beautiful work of art" Sephiroth said, looking like he struggling not blush.

"Yes, of a nude" Vincent cut in with the wit of a rapier.

"Vincent, be nice" Tifa said, feeling kind of sorry for the less socially ept Sephiroth.

"It's not my fault the virginal General has all the grace and subtly of large mouth bass flopping on land" Vincent guessed, suggestive scene of them of them together or not the other day; there were some things that just couldn't be faked.

"You're a virgin?" Tifa asked Sephiroth in a startled voice.

"I lacked opportunity, Jenova had a lot to do with that" Sephiroth all out but snarled and seemed to settle into a pouting snit as Vincent seemed to chuckle at this and started to list memories of a _much_ younger Sephiroth. "Yes I remember it like it was yesterday, him sitting on his little potty saying: I'm a big boy now. Then there was the matter of the chocobo patterned cereal bowl" Vincent and Tifa covered her mouth with her hands to keep from laughing.

"Come on, there's nothing abnormal about a little boy having a favorite cereal bowl" Tifa objected, feeling sympathy for the first time for the lonely boy that Sephiroth had been.

"This one he wore on his head for no discernable reason" Vincent said with a laugh.

"I was one" Sephiroth objected.

"Let's not forget the pink hair clips, you wore those until you were five" Vincent said, guffawing out loud.

"They were a present from my favorite lab assistant and kept my hair out of my face" he sourly said, wanting nothing more than to kill Vincent.

"Can I have this dance?" the "twins" asked her as soon as Tifa was done with setting up catering.

"Sephiroth first" Tifa said to Vincent.

She let him take her hand and lead her onto the dance floor, she placed her hand on his shoulder and gave him her other hand and he put his arm around her and surprisingly led her smoothly through the dance. "I'm impressed, where did you learn to dance?" she asked him.

"They held dance classes in SOLDIER that were mandatory in attendance" he explained and then arched his elegant silver eyebrow at her silent laughter. "Is there something funny?" he asked her.

"It's just hard to imagine Shinra being concerned that their SOLDIERS could dance as well as kill" she said.

"Being in SOLDIER was about advancement and public relations were just as important and that would also involve, every plain daughter of highly government officials and us having to make sure they were well taken care of at dances. I never much cared for dance classes, I was good at them because I am naturally well coordinated. I never much cared for dancing, until now that is" Sephiroth said as he studied his dance partner and pulled her closer to him.

Tifa looked up into his eyes, yes they were unusual for a human male, but it was the Mako in his system that made them glow and she wondered what color they would be without it...and what eye color his children would have, she blushed at this stray thought.

She realized that she was now meeting him as he had been pre-Jenova, as he had been when she had first met him, yes he'd been stuffy, but gorgeous and nice enough. He was rational again and seemed to like her and she wondered why she was so attracted to him when he was her ex-enemy. Yet he didn't seem to be anymore, he was just a man and a gorgeous one at that, she cocked her head to study him and he looked back at her questioningly as they moved with perfect rhythm. There seemed to be a question in her eyes and he instinctively leaned down to claim the ruby red of her plush lips in his first kiss...when Vincent decided he wasn't having that.

"May I cut in?" he asked Sephiroth, tapping him politely on the shoulder and he ignored him as Sephiroth's glare seemed to be trying to will Masamune into existence, already impaled through Vincent that is. Vincent took Sephiroth's place in Tifa's arms. "He was trying to get fresh with you" he explained, not liking how her eyes followed Sephiroth's retreating figure as he left.

Tifa was forced into their competitive presences all night long in a way that was laughable, yet highly flattering as both beautiful men vied for her attention. Vincent, in an easy way due to their long friendship (and that she was sexually intrigued by him) and Sephiroth, in a way that was so inexperienced and awkward, that it was almost endearing at how he tried to entertain her. She did appreciate his efforts as he explained really boring military maneuvers to her, but yet sparks danced along their bare skin wherever they were connected during the few slow dances not claimed by Vincent and she found herself leaning closer to him than she normally would while dancing to feel his powerful body against her own. Sephiroth seemed to stare at her in confusion at this.

Before she knew it, she was at her place with the same beautiful males on either side of her in the limo, both pallid with dark hair, versus pale silver as they both looked at her questioningly. "Good night," she said to them both, pressing a kiss on each pale cheek and got out.

Sephiroth leaned out of the window and said "Tifa, what are you doing tomorrow for dinner?"

"Yes, I shall need to eat too. What time shall we pick you up?" Vincent called after her.

"I'm sorry, why would we need you to be there?" he snapped.

"It is the duty for one comrade to protect another from a sworn enemy" Vincent said with a shrug.

"I no longer have any quarrel with Sephiroth" Tifa said.

"Sorry, until he proves himself to be trustworthy to me, consider me to be her bodyguard" Vincent said with a sweet smile directed at the fuming Sephiroth.

So began another series of unfortunate events for our trio as each date that Sephiroth attempted with Tifa, got thwarted by Vincent showing up.

Vincent could sense the growing attraction between the two of them...and did everything to interfere with that. He told every embarrassing story he remembered about Sephiroth, which just seemed to endear Tifa to him, for her to be reminded that Sephiroth was once an adorably sweet child with his own set of quirks. Yet Vincent started to feel bad about his relentless pursuit of Tifa when his unacknowledged child had known neither happiness, love nor even kindness in his short life and knew the Tifa could give him all of these. He felt especially bad when Sephiroth and Tifa found a moment alone to steal a Vincent-free kiss and he pelted them from above with something in prevention of this. Vincent knew the Tifa found him attractive and was curious about him, but her heart seemed to be leaning to her ex-enemy. Finally he felt he must do the right thing and let her go.

"Would you both like to come in for a nightcap?" Tifa asked them one night.

"I'll have to take a rain check, but I'm sure Sephiroth will want one" Vincent said.

"Are you certain?" Sephiroth asked him in a cautious voice, certain it was a trap of some sorts.

"Yes son, it seems it is time that I allowed you both some alone time" Vincent said.

The conversation was light as red wine was produced and Sephiroth sat beside Tifa, the only light in the room being from her fake fireplace and there was an overwhelming feeling in both that something was about to happen that would change their lives forever.

It was Sephiroth that started them off as he set down his glass and took her own from her and set it down and pulled Tifa into a clinging kiss. Soon she had migrated into his lap as their kisses deepened until it felt like Sephiroth's whole body was vibrating with excitement.

Tifa took the initiative as she stood up and drew him towards her bedroom. He couldn't believe what was happening as her tiny hand was trustingly held in his own as she led him their final destination and knew that it was past the point of no return as she removed her own top and sat on her bed, looking up at him with desire in her eyes.

They both tried to undressed each other at the same time as kiss and push her comforter back...and kind of ended up in a tangle and they both laughed at their folly, breaking the seriousness of the situation and both visibly relaxed.

Sephiroth quickly learned that it was as he had suspected, her breasts had not been enhanced in any way but by the goddess herself being generous to Tifa as her abundance was explored by his tongue, lips and fingers, that moved lower on her to show that enthusiasm could make up for lack of experience.

Tifa proved to be not a virgin under his exploring fingers, but she was so tight that showed it had been long time for her. Finally he parted her legs with his knee as he crouched above her. "Please be gentle, you're very...big" Tifa said not able to think of another way to describe him and noticed he couldn't help looking a little smug at this.

"I'll be as gentle as you need" he promised her. His erection was hot against her thigh and his hands moving over her body triggered sensations that caused her to murmur, soft involuntary sounds, wanting him closer, closer. She was damp when he entered her but still she cried out and he leaned back, looked into her eyes as if asking her permission to move and he remained still. At a small nod from her and he removed almost his entire length, except for the hot, heavy head of his sex and plunged back into her, deeper this time.

Suddenly all restraints were gone, if they had been there before as she clutched him with all limbs as he pounded inside her tight, hot body as sweat slicked their skin as they climbed to heights of gratification together. Her clit was constantly worried by his pelvis slamming against hers until she exploded with a strangled scream, his mind processed this enough to be worried that he might have hurt her, until it supplied the answer in the form of his own earth shattering orgasm. Tifa had an ear to ear grin despite struggling to catch her breath and with what seemed the last strength in her body, she rolled them onto their sides while their bodies were still connected and brushed his hair out of his face so she could look fully at his visage and he surprised her by smiling at her in a relaxed way and giving her a kiss.

"That was sure worth waiting for" he said.

"Are you sure you haven't done this before?" she accused him.

"Trust me, you just broke my seal" he said. "So is my first time going to be a one nightstand?" he suddenly asked her.

"Only if you want it to be. I'm not the one nightstand sort of girl though, I'm more like the marriage and kids sort" she explained.

"With me?" he said sounding slightly panicked at this.

"Later, if it comes to that. For now, let's just do lots of this and see where it goes" Tifa suggested.

"Sounds good to me" he said.

"So did you ever figure out why are back in your present state of mind?" Tifa asked him.

Sephiroth remembered being lectured by Aerith in Lifestream, she could be as 'gentle' as any drill sergeant when agitated, where she instructed him that "she didn't spend all that time removing Jenova from him, only for him to be brought down by an oversized sword again. Nor was she trusting him to be alone, so she ordered him to go seduce Tifa; kidnap her if he must, she wanted him with someone she trusted." When he pointed out, seeing how he had almost cut her in half, he doubted his advances would be welcomed. Aerith had simply said, influencing the living was not the easiest thing for her to do, but she would damned well make sure his suit was accepted...and here he was with Tifa. Not that he was going to admit any this to Tifa.

"No clue" he replied. "So we should give Vincent a gift for getting us together? What shall we get him?" he asked her and she giggled and whispered her idea to him. "Seriously? I'm not really the sort to share," he commented. "But okay, just the once."

Vincent looked shocked when they told him what he was being offered. "But I assumed you were together in an exclusive way?" he questioned them.

"See? I told you he's too old to get it up anymore" Sephiroth declared to Tifa.

"Speak for yourself, whelp" Vincent said as he started to remove his clothes.

Vincent took her from behind and Sephiroth gasped to feel Tifa's mouth suckle his penis as her small hand just managed to grip his wide girth and stroke him in time with the movements of her mouth, while her free hand stroked his heavy ball sac. Vincent's movements in her, moved her into a rhythm with Sephiroth and soon he was on his knees feeding her his member as Vincent claimed her hot tightness. She kept stealing glances at Sephiroth, his face was painted red with arousal, his head leaned back and his eyes were clenched shut and he seemed to be trying to bite his lips against the snarling purrs that spilled forth from him.

Tifa shook at the erotic feeling of giving and receiving pleasure from both men, it made her head spin and way too soon, she spiraled into her first orgasm and gasped around her fleshy gag and the vibration set Sephiroth off and he helpless gasped while she swallowed the deluge of his spendings.

Vincent's orgasm was triggered from Tifa's own and his human hand gripped her hip tightly as he flooded her. Vincent gently shifted so that he lay on one side of Tifa while her boyfriend was on the other side. "I guess you needed that, bat" Sephiroth commented.

"Yes it has been a while. So do you think you're actually pleasing Tifa, Virgin?" Vincent taunted him.

"You two play nice" she said, swatting each firm chest.

"Those sound like fighting words to me" he said and Tifa giggled as both pairs hands were on her body, priming her for seconds.

Soon afterwards, Vincent took a long overdue vacation to Wutai to revisit his own culture and met a woman there. married her and soon lost track of time and finally returned with her in tow, glad that Sephiroth and Tifa had offered to give them a ride back to his townhouse. They waved at him from the gate where they waited for him.

"Vincent, welcome back" Tifa said giving him a hug.

"This is my wife, Yumi Valentine" he said introducing her to the beautiful, smiling long haired female in her thirties, wearing a kimono and Tifa couldn't help admiring how Vincent looked in his black male kimono to match Yumi's own form of dress

"You must be Tifa Lockhart and Sephiroth Crescent, I feel like I already know you both from everything that Vincent has told me about you" she said, her friendly chocolate brown eyes taking them both in.

"It's Crescent now, we kind of had to have a shotgun wedding" Tifa said with a laugh and Sephiroth picked up the car seat from the floor.

"Yes this is our son, Nathaniel, he's six months old. He was born after a _certain_ night we all spent together" Sephiroth said for emphasis.

Vincent and Yumi both admired the sleeping silver haired baby within. "He's so adorable" she gushed and Vincent's own eyes went wide when Nathaniel opened his eyes...and they were bright red with slit pupils!

"Would care to explain his eye color to me?" Sephiroth demanded. "A paternity test has been done and it confirmed him as being my son, but still..."

Vincent just looked at him and then back to their son and said in a muffled sounding voice, "Sephiroth, I'm your father."

"Really? I did wonder about why you look so much alike" Tifa said.

"Wait how is that possible?" Sephiroth demanded, not getting the movie reference.

"Son, do I need to teach you about the birds and the bees?" Vincent asked him.

"It's okay, I already did" Tifa said, taking Yumi's arm. "Come, let's all go to dinner and we can discuss this" she suggested.

"I would like that, I have a feeling I have much to learn about this family" she said.

"Wait if you're my father then that means that you and I...with Tifa?" Sephiroth said, losing what little pigment he had in his face.

"Yes, you understand now" Vincent said.

"And you knew about this before we...did that?" He said in a faint sounding voice. "We were both with Tifa that night, so if it had been your sperm that impregnated her..."

"You and your wife would be raising your bother" Vincent concluded. "Yes son...now come and introduce me properly to my grandson; I certainly know my daughter-in-law very well indeed" Vincent said, placing his own arm around Sephiroth and they departed while Sephiroth carried the car seat and porters wheeled their luggage to the limo.

Vincent Valentine was a lot of things: aloof, traditional, quiet but deadly, but no one talked about his sadistic humorous side.

Sephiroth turned the thought of almost raising his brother or sister over in his mind and it broke his brain. Tifa apparently knew that Vincent was a hellion. After all, she'd neither flinched nor gasped at the admission.

She hadn't so much as blinked. All three of them clearly were a match made from Ifrit's Realm because no matter that new information, he could not have denied that night and any others if they'd had came along. Watching Tifa being taken while she orally pleased him was just overwhelming good.

"I must say that you have a certain glow about you" Tifa observed of Yumi.

"We're just a couple of months along" she returned. "And yourself?" She asked Tifa.

"What are you talking about? Tifa just had our son" Sephiroth said as his silver eyebrows shot up at this, pausing at their conversation.

"Only a month, I haven't really told Sephiroth yet. I wanted to surprise him on his birthday" Tifa admitted.

"Thanks for the surprise" Sephiroth said, sounding overwhelmed.

"Well it looks like fertility runs in your family. I know it does on my side" Vincent teased Sephiroth.

"Oh well, we just have to make sure we use birth control" Sephiroth said with a shrug.

"Oh didn't you know? Mako easily renders all type of birth control useless. The only way prevent pregnancy is either by total abstinence or having a vasectomy" Vincent cautioned him.

"But I understand that to be a painful procedure and anesthetic is useless with my system" he said with a frown.

"I'm certain they will let Tifa be there for moral support and give you something to bite on" Vincent sweetly said and then frowned when Sephiroth seemed to suddenly have problems breathing and took the car seat from him and steered him to the nearest chair and placed the car seat on the floor. "Yumi, could you get a paper bag from that vendor over there?" He directed her. He himself looked after the wailing child, he seemed to sense his father was upset and Vincent watched as the two woman fussed over the slowly calming man. "Relax Sephiroth, birth control works just fine. I was only joking" Vincent commented as Sephiroth gave him a cat eyed glare.


End file.
